Semantic masturbation. White people don't really care what you pretend words mean. You are not writing in standard English. The syntax and grammar are there, but the vocabulary is simply whatever you choose it to be.

Am I a racist? By your definition, probably. I just don't give a fuck. I'm not racist by my definition. Which of us do you think has more sway with my self-esteem? Do Black lives matter enough for you to try to motivate White people? Or are you still hating us more than you love your own?

(I think you wrote "apologetically" where you meant its opposite. Of course, I can't be sure, because when you use a word, it means whatever you want to attach its connotation to. But still...)