we need to completely redefine what masculinity means

Strength and confidence, you say. Should women not have strength and confidence? “I’m weak and diffident; my husband is strong and confident enough for both of us.” (See Mrs. Lovell in Apollo 13 — “If you have any questions, you can take them up with my husband. He’ll be home Friday.”)

There are lots of traits a man should have because they are traits an adult should have. But what virtue should a man have that would not be a virtue in a woman? You seem to be arguing that there are none, which is logically fine, but that claim does imply that gender specialization is toxic per se, and that there is no point in “redefining” masculinity when the only solution to the problem is to abandon it as a useful social construct.

This is not an issue on which one can be a little bit pregnant. You must oppose gender specialization tout court or be able to offer a salutary example of it. Yet feminists seem unwilling to do this.