We can always try to be less harmful, and there is always room for improvement.

Well, no. (But first, thanks for the thoughtful reply.)

I'm going to France next month, if it's still there. My French could use plenty of work, but I'm not working on it now, because I'm also going to Portugal, and my Portuguese needs even more work. Not only that, I have (mild) CoVID, so I have to think about how not to spread it. And then I have all this blogging to do. And a portfolio to monitor. Point is, it makes no difference whatsoever that there is room for improving one aspect of our behavior if there are more important fish to be fried. There is no free lunch. The question about "always trying " is what else those resources could be doing. At some point, we have to let one thick skin do the work of an entire faculty of eggshell walkers.

Thus, you talk about Thoraval not "fully" reciprocating the care he asks of his students? But what does "fully" mean? After all, he is not really asking very much of them. He's not calling them dunderheads or racists or assholes. and he's asking that they return the favor. Seems like "fully" reciprocating to me. The guy's got a course to teach. He knows that only hypersensitive jerks are leaving the room, because he does this for a living, and he lives in the real world. He has no further obligation to ask the baby why he's crying. Why do you assume the kid isn't just showing off? How do you come to say where the burden of proof lies as between a professional educator and a sniveling brat?

I haven't read Thoraval, but I doubt he is framing "tolerance" as a zero-sum game. I'm guessing its the energy that goes into learning and avoiding the triggers that bothers him. That effort does use resources maybe better spent on substance. At least, I have no problem with that calculus.

Speakers don't owe anyone more than the knowledge they seek to impart. Today's student body is all about genetic fallacy. They don't care what they can learn from their teachers; they care what they can say about their teachers. Grown-ups give each other the benefit of the doubt without demanding that someone who has "made a misstep" - do you even listen to yourself? - provide evidence they they are trying oh so much harder not to offend those who are grievance is central to their identity.