Member-only story
Why I Won’t Use “Your ” Pronouns
Near where I live, there are two bridges over a wide river. One is part of an interstate highway. The other is a two-lane affair so narrow that most users retract their side-view mirrors when crossing at, or below, the 15 mph speed limit. When you use the interstate bridge, you can think about the things you think about while driving on the interstate, but when you use the narrow bridge, you think about crossing the bridge. If you value your thinking time, and, especially, the continuity of your thoughts, the interstate bridge is “better” than the narrow bridge, even if the view from the latter may be prettier or using it may have some other social utility.
Pronouns are verbal bridges. We use them to get from one linguistic point to another with the least amount of thought or energy expended. To be of any use at all, they must be easy enough to use that they do not interrupt our train of thought. Otherwise, we might as well use their referents. If you don’t want to be referred to as “he” or “she,” then I will more likely refer to you as “Bob” or “Sue” than “they” or “them.”
Except in rare cases, the pronoun is not an important word. If the gender of the referent isn’t important to the message, the pronoun should not require any thought to use. Thinking about the referent’s “preferred” pronouns slows, or…